Well hello happy campers!!
It has been a while coming and much deliberation has taken place, not to forget much sand-bagging, but alas! I have finally found it in me to write a brief spiel on how I aim to maintain morale at the wonder that is Markstock.
Firstly, I decided that the title of the event would be a good start. We will take Mark, some stocks, put them together (thus Mark in stocks if you are retarded), and hurl various rotting vegetables, human corpses and communist slogans at him until either he dies or we run out of rancid tomatoes!
I notice that my position in the hierarchy lies neatly beneath Anton, which, god forbid is where I hope not to end up literally at the end of the night. Mind you, the antics of the drinking games, which will be a constant throughout the evening, could lead to many unsightly pages from the karma-sutra being acted out unwittingly! It is a hope that we may, at some point, see Dr Holland spinning on the Piggy pork sword!! Make of that what you will!!
Clearly there may be conflict between various board members as roles could conflict. One scenario that could rear its head would be that I, as morale officer would want the continued berating and mocking of the DoP to continue and in some instances escalate to physical violence and hate crimes, however, whosoever takes the role of diplomatic officer may find this hard to stomach!! Equally, the DoP may have some reservations!! Whatever happens, the more hurtful, un-PC, potentially libellous conversations the better, as it all adds to the boosting of morale, especially of the abuser!! (NB. It is up to each individual to make sure they are not the abused!)
“The Speech” will obviously be a key moment of the evening and it will fall on me to ensure its length and contents do not drain the life out of in the acoustic vicinity, this includes neighbours, passers-by and local wildlife, who may all lose the desire to live! It will be up to me to provide projectiles for this stage of the evening also, so a collection of bongos, horseshoes, western-Samoans and bibles will be readily available.
You may feel that the main policy to keep moral up is once of picking on the weak, indefensible and fools, and you would be right. There is no place for their type at Markstock, and any chance to beat down on them will keep spirits high and ward off potential unrest.
I look forward to seeing you all there and trust that the Markstock board will put on an excellent show!!
Mini