The Wild East

"MT pioneered a plan to go into the 1st class section."

The Croatians guard their Deutschmarks jealously, as me and Mark found out.
The exchange office told us to go to the bank. The bank told us to go to the post office, and the post office told us the exchange bureaus was the place to go.
We needed DMs for Yug Visas.

That evening as me and Mark were buying beers from a supermarket, 3 youths at the checkout spoke to us.
"Hello, you English?" the first one said. He went on to ask Mark his name. We asked him his name "err....Mark!" was the reply. "I'm from Zagreb, he's from, erm...Germany, and he's....American" he said pointing out the other two.
This was slightly strange as they all spoke with exactly the same accent.
Croatian Mark then asked us how to get to the town centre; he's lived here for 20 years, yet he has to ask 2 tourists how to get to the town centre of his home city(!)
They then mumbled something about running into some difficulty, and could they borrow some money. We made excuses and left.
Taylor noticed that Croation Mark had a slightly wonky eye, so you couldn't tell if he was talking to you, or your rucksack. Nothing else of interest happened later thet evening. There was a fountain, but Zagreb is a rather dull place, but is safe and smart.

The next morning we boarded the Belgrade train. We were in a compartment with a blond Croatian man of about 25 called Jabuke, a girl 24ish called Lzhitsa possessing a Serbian, and a Slovenian passport- so she didn't need visas, and a 25 year old American by the name of Steve I think.
Jabuke was continually pawing at his girlfriend, and crooning her name. She began to look steadily more irritated.
This Jabuke character was little strange.
He kept saying he was in the Croatian army, but when asked some direct questions, he acted vaguely, and evasively. He had a habit of staring at you very intently, yet didn't seem to listen to anything you said, and then would say "she my girlfriend" pointing at Lzhitsa.
He allegedly asked Mark "Which do you like better, people or animals?".
A slightly concerned Mark replied uncertainly, 'People?' and Jabuke broke back into his familiar grin.

He got off at Novi Gradski, after kissing Lzhitsa 7 or 8 times. Steve said "Your boyfriend was irritating you then?". It turned out that he was a random person who got on the train a few stops before we did.

As the Yugoslavia border approached we all got steadily more nervous, particularly Steve, who'd been to Russia, Ukraine, Bosnia, Bulgaria.....The border guards approach our compartment and order the three of us to get out.
The 3 of us had to get off the train to complete the 'walk of shame' to buy our visas. Steve could speak a little Russian, which got us through, and they allowed us to pay in US$.
Steve paid in DM, seemed to know everything, and gave us a slightly dirty look for being such travel novices.
There was a bit of a commotion when a drunk man got on the train, and refused to pay more than the usual amount. He'd stumbled onto the wrong train. I can't remember how it finished.
He was either kicked off, or the 7 conductors lost interest in him.

As the train pulled into Belgrade we got roped into guarding Lzhitsa's and Steve's bags. They were trying to book a train to Montenegro for the next day, and took absolutely ages.
The American also got invited to Lzhitsas sisters' party that night, but I don't think the invitation extended to me and Taylor.
Lzhitsa's uncle was Arkan, the notorious Serbian paramilitary leader.

We then ran into a British couple (Yahs), who we'd seen at the border (after Mark and I agreed we wanted to avoid them at all costs) because they behaved like Yahs, attempting to pay for their visas with a Barclaycard!
It wasn't successful.
We couldn't book into any hotel, because we had no Yugoslav Diners, and the British couple were a hindrance with their loud and exaggerated gestures, and Lonely Planet Europe book which was waved to all passers-by.
There were no cash machines or banks around but we manage to change money in a larger hotel. I don't know how the Yahs would have managed without our help.
"This didn't happen in Italy" they kept saying.
When we had checked into the hotel Mark disappeared with the video camera to get some discreet shots of the hotel, a few moments later I hear MT protesting, 'I am not a pervert'.
It appears the Yah girl walked out of her room in just a small towel while Mark was filming his 'ambience' shots.

Belgrade is a dump. It's surprisingly westernised, and has 3(!) McDonalds. Litter is strewn across the streets, and everything looks shabby and run-down.
People trying to make ends meet are reduced to selling nick-nacks on the bonnet of battered Ladas. There are plain clothes police everywhere with walkie-talkies. On the Sunday morning we saw at least 2 cars that had been broken into, with glass strewn across the pavement. It is the place to buy cheap CDs though. All the latest albums sell for about #1.20, and are obviously pirated.
I imagine that it is somewhat similar to parts of the former Soviet Union.

That evening a young pick-pocket was caught red-handed. Two men grabbed him, and held him until the police came.
In Britain I just couldn't see this happening- some do-gooder would have intervened and claimed the thief was assaulted or had his civil liberties violated, or the men would have been arrested for child molesting.

When we left for Bulgaria on the Monday morning. The first problem was to get onto the platform.
It took 15 mins to get past the guard who wanted a little token, which you had to queue up and get from the ticket office. We had to take care not to get onto the Macedonia section of the train, which was packed. People seemed desperate to get into a war-zone.
We couldn't get seats, and barely had room to stand.

MT pioneered a plan to go into the 1st class section.
We snook past a guard at one end of the carriage and MT discreetly tries random door handles. On the third attempt, success, the door slides open and in we go.
It's a sleeping compartment, and the door was swiftly and quietly locked by MT after we entered.
I knew we'd be in BIG trouble if we were caught.
Nothing happened for about an hour, then the dreaded knock on the door came.
The knock sounded angry........

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