Travel Warning

Markstock

SUMMARY

The diplomatic office advises extreme caution if travelling to Markstock. There were a number of incidents last year when it opened it's borders for the yearly festival that all travelling citizens should be aware of:

• El Leader of Smallus Member (The D.o.P.ete) hijacked the independent state of Markstock by creating a senior ranking position for himself. A move straight out of the Robert Mugabe text book on dictatorship.
• He installed a weak puppet "Chief Executive" to front up Markstock after realising nobody would come to a BBQ in Forrestville.
• He forced the Senate to ratify his "Peoples Charter for Liberty, Freedom and Independence", which created two new underclass's of "guests" and "probationary members".
• Formed a "security force" to maintain order and protect the charter.
• Gave a speech inciting discrimination. See the Markstock 04 web site if you need to hear the contents, in short though, El Leader's speech was something numerous other tyrants would have been proud of.
• Sightings of Topless Buddhist monks were reported.
• Drunken Hobo's caused widespread damage to property.
• Corruption amongst the security employees.
• A "no go" area was created in "El Leaders Forest of Procrastination". Witnesses report strange noises possibly caused by monsters from the rumoured DNA manipulation testing.

The signs for this year are even more worrying though. Now El Leader has tightened his iron grip over the puppet "Chief Executive" and with an extra year of experience in the public service, and his bureaucratic skills have blossomed to an extent that Tony Blair would be proud of. This year, El Leader has already:

• Created 4 extra positions in the Peoples Charter.
• Set plans in motion to create a secret police.
• Implemented a censorship on "culturally disruptive" music.
• Doubled the worship/speech time.
• Increased the Big Pete Levy by a modest 33% to fund the above changes (or his off shore bank account, I forget which).

The D.o.P.ete has issued a strict mandate to the Diplomatic Office to "Calm down dear!" any hippies and undesirables who may want to rip his head off after his speech. This years contents are a closely guarded secret, but if last years is anything to go by, it will mainly involve insulting represented minorities, and people who weren't invited.

The conflict of interest surrounding the Diplomatic Consulate maintaining impartial service for both attendees and El Leader during the opening of borders at this years Markstock celebrations has forced the Consulate to resign. El Leader has ordered that we publish that he strongly denies that the consulate ever said, "if you're ever faced with the prospect of having a boss who looks like this... quite naturally, you'll be wanting to be first in the queue to give him a dam good shoeing with the rest!".